At the recent Gifted to Lead events, delegates were given an opportunity to feed back to Nancy Beach any further questions they had relating to the topic of women in leadership. From these we have compiled a list of the 7 most frequently asked questions in the hope that the answers will further encourage and aid you in living out your individual calling in Ministry and leadership.

What suggestions can you make as to the groundwork needed in order for older women to connect with younger women. How do you build a relationship up to a point where wisdom and insight is sought after rather than forced upon?

I think the best connections between the generations are initiated by the younger women.  When they genuinely seek out the wisdom of an older woman, they are obviously motivated to learn and grow.  Rarely does it seem to work for an older woman to do any forcing, or even the basic initiation. When a young woman asks for my time, I look to her to bring questions and concerns for us to explore.

How do you share with male leaders appropriately the frustration that female leaders feel, and in ways that will be understood and inoffensive?

Author Shaunti Feldman writes about the differences between how the genders communicate.  She urges women to recognize that these differences exist.  One dimension of those differences involves the expression of emotion.  When women communicate frustration, hurt, or anger to men, we have to learn to “stay in our head” as we express our concerns.  This is not easy for those of us who are wired to express ourselves with lots of emotion!  I find it helpful to actually capture a few thoughts on paper before I enter a meeting where I need to say some hard things.  I don’t read the paper, but it helps me to think through exactly what I want to be sure to say, and how I want to say it.  Word choices really do matter.

It might be helpful to begin a meeting with a male leader with a recommendation – instead of being perceived as just “whining” about frustrations, we come in with thoughts about very specific ways we would like to see change.

Have you found that when females utilise their leadership gifts, males step back or don’t lead to their fullest potential? How do you combat men feeling demeaned by women in leadership in a sensitive way?

We need to learn how to build cultures where when women get stronger in their leadership, men do not get weaker!  It’s more than possible for both genders to reach their full potential.  And yet, for many men, learning to work alongside women, or report to a woman, is a new experience.  They might feel awkward and uncertain about how to navigate this new experience.  I really think it helps for us to indicate a spirit of being relaxed, grounded, and confident without arrogance. We also don’t want to be easily offended – offer grace to men as they try to figure this out!  We don’t want them to feel like they have to walk on eggshells around us all the time.

If you sense that a male co-worker is feeling uncomfortable, you might want to ask if there’s anything you can do to make things less awkward, so that both of you can be effective.

How do you deal with the ‘mean women’ you come across when you have not learnt to be strong in ‘talking back’? How do you cope with women who reject you on the basis of how you employ your gifts?’

First, it is so important for us to recognize that we struggle to want everyone’s approval, and that may not be realistic.  The voices in my head need to be the strong assurance from the Holy Spirit that I am a daughter of God, that I have been entrusted with gifts, and that I will be held accountable for those gifts. There may be some women who feel threatened by our gifts, or who disagree with how we are managing our lives.  If the meanness is coming from someone who is a friend, we need to initiate a hard conversation and try our best to work it out.  If we feel the disapproval of someone we do not know well, then we have to decide whether it’s better to just let it go, or whether we need to bring up the issue. Through prayer and discernment, we can know which is the better path in each case.

If you see a pattern of other women being mean about you, ask a trusted friend if there is anything you are doing that might be aggravating the situation or making it worse than it needs to be.  The mirror of a loving friend can be very helpful.

If you feel that leadership has been thrust on you as opposed to feeling called, how can you work out if it is still part of God’s purpose for your life?

One great signal of whether we are in the right spot concerns our inner sense of joy, or rightness about the role.  Do you often feel that you were born for that role, or does it seem like a difficult fit?  Many of us take on assignments and roles out of a sense of duty or because of a great need pressed on us by others.  If you could back up the truck, would you make a different choice?  If so, try to graciously plan how you can turn over the responsibility to someone else, and then find a role that is more in line with what you were created to do.

If you are a more maternal sort of woman, how do you balance the demands of family, especially in the early child-bearing years, with the call to vocational Christian ministry?

I think it’s essential for us to see our life in terms of seasons.  When our children are young, our ministry investment is focused much more on the home front, and we have to make hard choices about how much we can do outside the home.  Every woman will make different choices based on her unique situation, her husband, her children, her financial situation, etc. But there’s no doubt that even for those who choose to work full-time, life is so much about the little ones in that season!

Many churches and para-church organizations are offering a wide range of opportunities for people to serve ranging from key volunteer roles to part-time and full-time staff.  I chose to work part-time when my girls were young, which was a good choice for our family. But I strongly support friends of mine who have chosen to be full time homemakers as well as those who have a full-time job outside the home.  There is definitely not one right way to do life as a woman!

How do you stay energised for the tasks that you have been called to do, and what does your time with God tend to look like?

I am energized by certain life-giving people and life-giving activities.  I think each of us needs to know what will most refresh us.  In terms of spiritual disciplines and my time with God, I try to make time in the mornings (when I tend to be most awake) for Bible reading, journaling, and prayer. Most days, this is no longer than 20-30 minutes, to be honest.  I am usually reading in one book of the Bible, and sometimes studying another book as well. I love to journal and write out my responses to what I read, as well as my thanks to God and my requests.

I love spending time with family and friends.  As my girls have grown older (now 20 and 17), they are just more and more fun to be with!  I also try to be very intentional to schedule fun time with my husband and with certain girlfriends. In terms of activity, I love walking, reading, and seeing live theatre and movies.

Want to continue hearing from Nancy? Check out her blog http://nancybeach.typepad.com or follow her on twitter http://twitter.com/NancyLBeach